I’m not really sure where my life is going at the moment. I don’t know that what I’m heading out to do is right for me, but every other path leads to a dead end. Either the job I want won’t earn enough money, or it’s a job I don’t think I’m ever going to really enjoy. I’m just failing at life and I have no idea what I’m meant to do about it. There’s so many things I want to do and none of them are really practical.
I’m trying to pull new ideas out of thin air but I’m really starting to push my luck now. All I want to do is ride, but it’s not practical. I don’t really feel as though I’m as happy around people as normal. I don’t know whether I’m getting paranoid about things, its not really my style but I’m not ruling it out, or if certain people are really trying to wind me up.
I honestly can say that I really miss the days when Ivan (my lil old pony) was recovering from Laminitis and I walked him out in hand every day to start exercising him again. I’ve told that pony so much utter shit, but it was just me and him, and it made a difference being able to say things to something that wont judge me or answer back, or tell me I’m wrong. I can not describe how much that pony means to me, he’s so old but he genuinely seems to love life and really try to enjoy himself – normally by trying to kill me. No matter what I’ve done he has forgiven me, no matter what I’ve said he still loves me. When I fell off, he helped me get back up again.

I just want to make something out of my life because at the moment I feel like I’m wasting it.